Baby’s Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and in my townhouse,
All the creatures were stirring… Including my spouse.
The presents were purchased and wrapped with great care,
Cause let’s just be honest, Santa ain’t gonna be there.

The baby was swaddled, all warm in his crib,
Eyes open wide, drooling all over his bib.
Both in our pyjamas, we knew it was time,
For mommy and daddy to enjoy a glass of white wine.

When out of the blue we heard a loud scream,
To the monitor we turned to scope out the scene.
We squinted and stared and blinked super hard,
At the pixels so bright, the resolution so marred.

With the screen all a blurr, it was still clear to see,
That our baby had taken a poo and a pee.
So pissed at the world, this baby did cry,
“Change my diaper right now, or I’ll probably die!”

Get the diaper, the inserts, the wipes, and a onesie,
Cause with every large poo, his outfit is donesie.
To his bedroom we ran, to rescue our boy,
Cause the last thing we wanted, was a night with no joy.

So we tag teamed the job, to make it go fast,
For our white wine was warming with every minute that past!
We opened his diaper, and to our surprise,
It was dry… But baby had that look in his eyes…

His face got all red, his look was so distant,
He let out some grunts that were very persistent.
I looked at my husband, with shock on my face,
“He’s going to shit, all over the place!!!”

So of course as soon as his butt was exposed,
He let out a wet fart, the smell tickled our nose.
What followed is a tale that shan’t be retold,
Disgusting, and messy.. (It was comedy gold).

Kicking his legs and giggling lots,
We realized then that he’s calling the shots.
Gone are the times of long peaceful sleeps,
Traded in for those crazy Wonder Weeks leaps.

Though he keeps us awake, every night without fail,
He’s still our little boy and this is his tale.
He’s tiny, he’s loud, he’s fickle, and funny,
He brings so much joy with his smile, so gummy.

The mess he creates is so temporary,
And at times parenting can be really scary!
But now his butt is wiped clean, and the poo’s out of sight
So Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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