I Don’t Want To Be An Entrepreneur

Holy shit, it’s been so long since I posted that I nearly forgot I even have a blog. Whoops! As the kids say, “Sorry, not sorry!”

So as in typical Kat-fashion, I’ve paved YET another new life path for myself. Some of you may know me as “Kat the Personal Trainer”, “Kat the Blogger”, “Kat the (new) Photographer”, “Kat the Entrepreneur”, “Kat the Stay At Home Mom”, “Kat the [insert latest obsession here]”.

For a very long time I’ve felt the need to attach my identity to my way of bringing in an income. In fact, it’s something I still struggle with to this day. I have days of feeling so absolutely lost in life that I just want to cry. I’ve been an entrepreneur for over 6 years now, but I have never felt fully passionate about this decision. At the beginning the allure was enticing. Popular ideas like having a passive income, never having to  answer to a boss, creating my own hours, and ultimate freedom which I associated with entrepreneurial-ship got me all revved up. I pushed and I pushed, and eventually I was making enough money to get by living in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Except that I didn’t have a passive income, I mean, it’s not like I had extra money laying around that I could play with and invest.  I didn’t have a boss to answer to, and technically I did create my own hours, except that they were all based off my clients’ availabilities. So did I have unlimited freedom? Ahh… Hell no. And although I was enjoying working with my clients, I felt a constant need and pressure to make more money, fill my hours, keep up with the hot and happening trainers, and work, work, work, work, work, work.

And then I had my baby. And suddenly I wasn’t working as much. And suddenly my identity shifted to that of a mother, a wife, a homemaker. And I loved it. Until I started feeling like I was losing a part of myself. So I took up photography as a creative outlet, with a bonus of making some extra cash on the side. And I did, and still do. And I love it. It really does hit that creative craving that I’ve been fighting for so long! And it’s fun. And I’ll continue casually taking on clients as they come to me. No pressure. Just fun. And some side cash for Sawyer’s education.

What I’ve learned about myself in these last 6 years, but especially over the last 14 months is that I don’t like being an entrepreneur. *GASP!* I like to work. I love spreadsheets, and making graphs, and organizing schedules, and creating new program plans, and writing stuff and creating stuff. But I don’t love being an entrepreneur. I know I have the qualities to be one, but I’m over it. I was online, searching for inspiring articles to read about people who gave up their personal businesses to go work for someone else, and as you may have guessed, there aren’t that many out there. So, I’m going to write one.

Though I haven’t officially started yet, I went and got myself a nice part-time city job! And I am thrilled to get started. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking dreading the day I have to leave Sawyer at daycare for the first time ever even though the stars aligned and I got him in a fucking fantastic place that lines up with all of my values. But parent anxieties aside, I feel SO privileged and grateful for this new opportunity. And here’s why:

  1. Predictable income. Every month is like a lottery. How much money will I make? How many cancellations will I have? Will my income justify my drive out with gas prices where they are at? Those are all worries I can now release! With my new job, I will have a set schedule, set hourly rate, and a bi-monthly deposit into my chequing account. A predictable income is a privilege, if you ask me!
  2. Team work. Running a one-woman show is incredibly lonely. I am a highly social, fairly extroverted person (once I warm up a bit) and I thrive in group settings. I’m so pumped to meet my co-workers. Shoot the shit. Make new friends. And collectively work towards the same goals.
  3. Having a boss. I know I have leadership qualities. I know that I’m good at taking charge when charge needs to be taken. But, I’m also very good at owning my tasks and doing my part under the guidance and supervision of a boss. Maybe it’s cause I’ve never had a horrible boss, but I enjoy being put to work! I’ve never been one to want a job where I can just sit around, twiddling my thumbs. I like being busy.
  4. Not taking work home. As an entrepreneur, your business is always on your mind. Maybe not at the forefront, but always simmering on the back burner. With my new job, I can go in, do my work, and come home and fully immerse myself in my home life. No more “I just need to finish this one thing!” between my son’s naps.
  5. Less stress overall. My husband and I have some goals that require an income: minor home renos, paying down our mortgage, being able to afford family vacations, eventually retiring our 2001 Echo and buying something newer. It’s extremely hard to really even budget for any of those when one month I’m making half of what I made the month prior. With my new fixed income, we’ll finally be able to chip away at some of these goals!

I’m very impressed by entrepreneurs. Especially of all of my friends just killin’ it in the fitness industry. But I’m happy to be slowly transitioning out of the all encompassing world that is owning and growing your own business. I’m excited for a regular schedule and routine. Life with a toddler is anything but predictable. I am also thanking the heavens for getting the opportunity to work within the same city I live in. With this new job, I’ll be as immersed in my own community as one can get. And that is something that is important to me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. There are plenty of people struggling to find work. My old entrepreneurial-wannabe self would feel bummed that I had to “resort to” getting a conventional job. But now that I’ve had time to self-reflect, to really meditate on what it is that I want in my life, and not what I feel I should want, I am over the moon! I’m more relaxed. I’m more happy. And I’m so at peace with how life is unfolding.

Own up to what you want in your life. Even if it’s not the “glamorous” shit that social media is trying to push in your face all the time!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s