How is it already 2019? When I started this blog, my original intention was to document my pregnancy, touch on health and fitness stuff throughout, and then I didn’t really place too many expectations as I figured I’d get busy with baby and I’d lose steam and interest in writing.
And that definitely happened. My first year of motherhood now feels like it flew right by, though in the moment a lot of those days were long, and full of extreme emotions (for both Sawyer and myself). I’m now the mother of a toddler. He’s a year and a half. I’ve stopped referring to his age by months because, let’s be honest, unless you’re a mother and you really don’t care if your kid is 20 months, or almost two. If you’re a mother reading this, Sawyer is technically 18.5 months!
He is busy, busy, busy. Busy testing boundaries – cue the dramatic flattening out on the floor tantrums. Busy learning two languages – English and Polish. Busy learning how stuff works!
With such a busy body in the house, it’s hard for me to find the time to prioritize any of my own interests, to be honest. I wake up every morning with the false promise that this evening, once Sawyer is in bed, I’ll finally get around to doing whatever task I’ve been silently obsessing over in my mind for the last few weeks. Lately I’ve had the gnawing need to write more, paint, and organize my closet (though I blame the latter on diving into the Netflix show “Tidying up with Marie Kondo”). Every evening I tell myself I will do the things I’ve set out to do all day. But then night falls, Sawyer is peacefully asleep, and all I can muster up to do is flop on the couch, and watch another episode of Marie Kondo’s show.
The truth is, I’ve never been a productive person in the evenings. I’m definitely a morning person. If I could just get 2 hours to myself every morning, I’m almost certain I, alone, could literally move mountains! (Maybe not literally.) But having 2 hours in the morning to myself means getting up at 3:00 am on the days I work, or 5:00 am on the days I don’t work. I could probably swing the 5:00 am wake up, but 3:00 am is still night time in my books. In fact, I remember back in my younger years, I won’t even get home until 3:00 am some nights!
I sat down today to write this entry with the intention of laying out all of my 2019 goals. But if there’s one thing that motherhood has taught me this last year and a half, it’s that this season is not one for hardcore expectations of myself. As a natural Type A person, I love setting goals, working towards them, taking on a thousand tasks at once, and most of all, PLANNING. And if I didn’t have a little person dependant on me to wipe his nose some days, and his butt every day, well, maybe I could shell out a really impressive list of accomplishments I’d like to complete this year. Nevertheless, setting intentions for the year is a practice I’ve come to enjoy. Here’s what I intend for 2019:
- Lay off the multitasking – I’m incredible at multitasking, however, it leaves me completely drained by the end of the day. Sure, the laundry will be folded, dinner will be prepared, and the house will be relatively clean, but at what cost? My patience runs out quick, and I’d rather save it for my child and my husband.
- Be present – And by that I mean, leave my phone in my purse. Don’t check texts in those moments of silence, don’t mindlessly scroll through Instagram when I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. If there is an emergency, I trust that I will get a call and not a text. That little computer in my pocket has been the ultimate distraction in my life from the moment I got it.
- Reflect and journal at the end of the day – Ok, I haven’t kept a journal since my late teens and I’d be mortified to go back and read how many boys I had crushes on. This will be more of a journal to reflect back on all of my happy moments during the day. Something to shed a bit of light on how good I have it, even on the hardest of days.
- Find peace and happiness in the “nothing” days – Some days nothing gets done. I don’t socialize, I don’t take Sawyer anywhere fun to get his energy out, I don’t have dinner ready on time, and I don’t get to my to-do list during Sawyer’s nap. Normally, a day like this would feel “wasted” and be full of I should have’s. But this year, I will pay attention to what went well instead. Did I send Sawyer into a laughing fit? Did I take time to just relax? Those are wins! And they will be celebrated.
So there you have it. I’m not trying to reach any sort of fitness goal, I’m not planning on traveling to some tropical destination. I want to focus 2019 on my inner self, which will in turn reflect in my outer self. If there is one measurable thing I could wish for, it’s that my jaw muscles loosen, and I just r e l a x with time.