I told myself I would wait until 12 days post ovulation so as to not be disappointed with the very real possibility of a false negative. After all, at this point, I was just pleasantly surprised to find out I’m ovulating. The last time I bled was before I conceived Sawyer back in August 2016. I figured I was just one of those women who don’t get a period until I’m fully done breastfeeding. The husband and I decided that we would actively start trying for a baby again as of January 2019.
So here we were, one week in. As I had mentioned before, I’m a very Type A person, and as much as I wanted to do things differently this time, let nature take it’s toll and all that crap, the controlling side of me took over. I bought a highly sensitive thermometer to start tracking my basal temperature, and bonus: it came with 25 ovulation sticks! I wasn’t going to go as far as using those, but hey, if the thermometer already comes with them, why not? What is a basal temperature you ask? It’s the lowest temperature at rest. You measure it first thing in the morning, before getting out of bed, and with at least 5 hours of consecutive sleep. What I learned is that when your body is ovulating, your basal temperature increases by about 0.5 to 1 degree Fahrenheit. It’s a great way for tracking fertility if your cycle isn’t back or if it isn’t regular.
Amazon delivered my thermometer on a Wednesday. I started tracking on Thursday morning. On Friday morning, my temperature had spiked just over 1 degree. Surely I must have fucked up the position of it in my mouth the morning prior. I had been pretty stuffed up, so I figured maybe I was letting in too much air through my mouth and it messed with the numbers. Figuring I have plenty of ovulation sticks to waste, I decided to give one a go and see what it said.
Two blue lines – it was as positive as can be! Holy shit, I’m actually ovulating. Knowing that my body was doing it’s natural thing was a huge relief to me. I plugged all of my numbers into my Ovia Fertility app (because, hey, if I’m going to go Type A on my fertility, you better believe I’m going to track everything). I was in the peak of my fertility window! At this point, we had already been actively trying, so needless to say, we had maximized the previous 2-3 days, if you know what I mean.
So I was supposed to wait 12 days post ovulation to find out if I was pregnant. I should mention, I had already spent a small fortune on pregnancy tests over the last few months (just kidding, I was buying the dollar store tests). Not having a period, and not preventing a pregnancy is stressful because you just always kind of assume you might be pregnant. I obviously wasn’t. And slowly, over time, I would get more and more sad at the sight of just one pink line.
I read that the absolute earliest that a pregnancy test could maybe pick up a positive result was 9 days post ovulation. And I knew this would fall on a Sunday. But I told myself I’d wait till the coming Wednesday. 12 Days post ovulation.
So on Sunday I woke up with no alarm, and no crying toddler… at 5 fucking 40 in the morning. The evening prior I had announced to my husband that I’ll pee on a stick in the morning and if it’s negative I’ll test again on Wednesday. As my entire house slept, including my cat, I crept downstairs to the powder room. I quietly took the test out of the package and then I realized I kept hearing a weird rhythmic sound. It wasn’t long until I figured out it was my heart beat. It was audible. I was so nervous. My hands shook as I peed on the stick, worried I’m not actually getting anything on it. I bought a First Response early detection test, you know, the real fancy expensive one! I couldn’t bring myself to watch the pink ink travel up the little window. As with Sawyer’s test, I covered it with the box, set a timer, and waited.
In those three long minutes, all of my fears set it:
What if I can’t get pregnant again?
What if I’m pregnant with twins?
What if I can’t handle being a mother to more than one child?
What if I lose the baby?
What if I’m not a good mother if my attention needs to get divided?
What if I made a mistake?
I stared at the timer and stopped it just shy of 3 minutes. I took a breath, and looked at the results. I was pregnant. My eyes filled with tears. A huge smile covered my face. The first words I uttered were “Thank you, God!”
And in that moment I knew I was ready.
I know I will have my doubts. I know I will have moments of losing my mind. I know I will wonder if I’m up for this, if I’m strong enough, if I’m enough. But I also know that I am ready to grow my family. I’m ready to fall in love with another baby. I’m ready watch my first born step into the role of big brother.
Baby Rou #2 is due to arrive sometime mid September! Thank you to everyone who’s been so supportive thus far.