Two years of motherhood

My baby turned two. I have to say, the transition from one to two has been much smoother than zero to one. We’ve got a good groove. We’ve had ups and downs, but all in all, I have felt relatively in control and (more or less) well composed. I no longer assume that one bad night of sleep means we’ve entered some sort of epic regression. And I’ve chilled right out around food intake. I now know that some days he will eat everything healthy in sight, and other days I’ll be lucky if he eats three full meals that don’t all include a handful of tortilla chips with them.

I suppose that’s what happens over time? As a mother, you learn to let go of expectations you’ve placed on yourself and your child. I’m in constant fascination of just how much this little human is teaching me. I mean, I thought that I’m supposed to be the one with all the answers, the one leading the way. And I am… when it comes to safety, hygiene, and nourishment (most days). But when it comes to approaching life, I’m gaining far more from him, than he is from me!

My sweet boy has taught me to not hold onto negative emotions. He can get frustrated and angry one minute, scrunched up little red face, and bursting out laughing the next. He doesn’t hold on to that negativity from moments ago. He squeals laughing, and moves on.

I’ve learned to stop and smell the roses… or rather search for ants… and watch construction machines dig… and notice all the birds in the sky! In short, I’ve learned to observe life from the lens of a toddler. He notices the details that a grown up is too busy to notice, or simply takes for granted. To a two year old, there is magic all around. When do we start to lose that? And why?

I’m also learning a whole new language:

Laloo – Water

Dougie – Dziadek (aka grandpa in Polish)

Lapcha – Babcia (aka grandma in Polish)

Llama – Grandma

Lerries – Berries

Mewk – Milk

Rank – Frank (our cat)

Hearing him speak in English and Polish makes my heart want to burst out of my chest. Listening to his babble as he rolls around in his crib getting settled for the night, is the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard. I get to witness his brain organizing the information he’s taken in during the day. Some nights he gets fixated on one word or phrase and repeats it over and over again. My personal favourite is when he gets stuck on Night-night mommy. Night-night daddy. It takes every ounce of self control not to sneak into his room, scoop him into my arms, and cover him in kisses. I’ve learned to respect his personal time while this learning takes place (he gets quite worked up when interrupted, I’ve tried it).

As I prepare my home and my heart for a second baby, I find myself hyper-aware of all the changes taking place in my first born. How his face has changed over time. How much taller he’s gotten. How much more independent he is day by day. And while it fills me with pride, it also breaks my heart. My first year of motherhood felt like both the slowest and fastest rollercoaster ride I’ve ever been on. This second year seems to have flown by in the blink of an eye. Everything is starting to temporarily get a little easier. Once his sister joins us Earth-side I know life will present new challenges. But until then, I will savour these last three months of just us. I will pay attention on even the sleepiest of days, because the thing with time is that it only moves forward. And all I can do is focus on the now.

Happy birthday my darling son. I am forever grateful that your sweet spirited little soul has chosen me to be your mother.



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